Bad Manners 1 - Table Manners

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/healthy-living/virginia-ironsides-dilemmas-is-using-a-mobile-phone-during-dinner-bad-manners-878557.html



The article above talks about people using their mobile phone whilst dining, and if reading whilst eating is bad manners, then texting etc, should be too.

What might be considered bad manners in one country may be acceptable in another, and infact acceptable in one house, might not be acceptable in the house next door.

So are bad table manners purely subjective, or can we say that some behaviours are unacceptable no matter what society you belong to?

Getting up from the table without first excusing yourself?
Chewing your food with your mouth open?
Sitting properly?

I guess in a culture where so many people either eat alone or watching tv, all of the above lose their meaning, as manners only seem to matter when someone else is on the receiving end of them, but I say that whether or not people are present, we should still maintain a level of behaviour that suggests we are a civilised society.

Fly-Tipping, Wrong Doings

In response to Josephine's blog on people dumping rubbish in the countryside I have a number of points to add. http://dantesinferno64.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-spy-with-my-little-eye.html

1. this is just the same sympton of a society that drops rubbish out of car windows, instead of putting it in a bag and taking it home with them. I was brought up by a mum who always took rubbish home, and wouldn't dare to drop a sweet wrapper etc, so would have my pockets full instead. Is it because people don't see their environment as being part of their "home", think its someone else's job to clear up, or don't they care? the "someone's else job" response just goes back to a number of blogs on responsibility, and people's inability to take responsibility for their own actions

2. It is more than just the view that they are spoiling, but also the danger that rubbish poses to wildlife - but hey why should they care. Hopefully our children may be better educated to understand the damage that rubbish can do.

3. Our council has an excellent rolling rubbish schedule and regularly come round to collect large rubbish that you cannot leave in the bin, furniture etc, it is well publisized, and if you don't mind the embarassment of being caught also serves as an excellent opportunity for recycling - if you get up early you can see what other people have left and save the bin men a job!

There are no excuses for it, its laziness, in a "i'm alright" society

Bad Press

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2304109.ece?CMP=KNC-FBLgoogle&HBX_PK=ashley+cole&HBX_OU=50

After reading this article in the Sun concerning the antics of Ashley Cole, it occured to me that Newspapers have a huge responsibility, and indeed power which should be exercised more carefully. The article implies that Ashley was behaving inappropriately with a blonde whilst his wife was raising money for charity, but how do most readers of newspapers know what the truth is?

We are in the habit of taking what we read to be fact, without questioning its accuracy, and then make judgements based on what we have read. Newspapers can make stars of us, or destroy us, on a whim.

They have the power to distort our view of the world - I recently read the John Sergeant's autobiography, which contained an interesting tale of him reporting in Vietnam on the war there. They ran weekly radio reports, publicised as coming from the frontline, but the reality was that he was miles from any of the action, and what he reported was only what he was told, and he had absolutely no way of verifying the facts.

We are all aware of the fact that countries such as China, etc, report what they want their citizens to hear, but is our press any better?

Music Free Buses

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6175604.stm

Why do people think that everyone wants to listen to acid/garage/house (or similar eardrum splitting melodies) at 7.30am in the morning on their way to work. I wonder if

1. they think that because it is being played through headphones no-one else can hear

2. they don't even consider the experience of their fellow travellers.

I sit quietly trying to do the sudoku, whilst listening to 3 different people's Ipods, none of which are playing anything that I either recognise or indeed has lyrics or a tune. I guess the answer would be "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" but don't I have rights too.

Still it could be worse, I once had to suffer 2 lads playing sex videos through their mobile phones to each other, which were loud enough that you could hear the action. They had no consideration for the fact that the rest of the passengers perhaps did not want x-rated bus entertainment, nor the fact that there were children and pensioners on the bus. What happened to respect for our elders?

It seems that we live in a country where people seem so interested in their own needs/wants that anybody else's rights aren't even on the radar. They are so pre-occupied in their own lives that they don't consider anyone elses. If everyone used the simple "do unto others, as you would have them do to you" the world, (or at least the No 70 bus) would be a much happier place.

Maybe Ken Livingstone has a point.

broken trust - response to wrong doings blog

I so agree with the comments made by Josephine in this post, but it seems to be that what she is ultimately asking for is courage, which not everyone has. http://dantesinferno64.blogspot.com/2009/03/broken-trust.html

Any sort of deceipt, will hurt someone, but it takes courage for a partner to tell another that actually they don't love them anymore. Do they think it is kinder to keep these words to themselves, carry on the lie, and find happiness elsewhere, believing that this way they are not hurting anyone? Yes the truth will hurt, but lies hurt more, and we can all get over the fact that things have changed but can we recover from the lies? I think not.

I was taught as a child to admit my errors, and was punished more for not admitting to wrong doings than coming clean. So should we applaude our children for the truth, or punish them for their mistakes? Should we teach them to not be frightened of the truth, or to cover up their mistakes. I know which one I think is right, and what I teach.

Prostitution

In response to Kate's blog on prostitution,
http://katenicola89-kate.blogspot.com/2009/02/prostitution.html
and in particular whether women that accept drinks, etc from men are asking for trouble if they don't come up with the goods, I would say that if people said what they really meant rather than using non-verbal communication all the while the world would be a much easier and in fact safer place to live.

The assumption here "that if a man buys a woman a drink, he is then entitled to some sort of return on his investment" is an old fashioned and quite frankly homocentric idea of the world. What is wrong with a man buying a woman a drink, or paying for her taxi just because he can and wants to be "nice"? Have we really stooped so low that we have to look for the motive behind every act?

I guess it is not the done thing to say to someone "yes, I'd love a drink, but it doesn't mean I want to sleep with you!" Infact if us women said that to most men, they would run a mile; some men can't cope with assertive women...... and just like men wouldn't say "Do you want me to buy you drinks all night until you are too drunk to realise how unattractive I am, and so come home with me?" but its probably what they are thinking.

Sorry all of this is tongue in cheek, but really we all interpret the non-verbal signals given off during this dating/picking up ritual, and 9 times out of 10 get the signals completely wrong.

If you give anything freely in any circumstances that is exactly what it should be a gift, no strings attached, if you expect something in return then don't give in the first place - this is not the essence of giving.

So back to my first point, we ought to start a date but letting everyone know where we stand so we can spend the rest of the night having fun, rather than thinking about what he really thinks, what she really thinks, and playing silly games, all for the sake of a shag!

Infidelity - effect on the children

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1036162/Is-adultery-gene-One-woman-traces-infidelity-patterns-shaped-life.html

In our lecture on infidelity the issue of how it effects the family and especially children who find out that one of their parents has been unfaithful to the other one was not even discussed, but as someone who has first hand experience of the devastation it can cause to the family would like this to be addressed, rather than just looking at the immediate victims.

I know of a 15 yr old girl who since she found out that her father has committed adultery, (for 2 years) detests him. She is happy to have no contact with her father, and instead lives with her step mother, who she perhaps sees as being innocent.

While I can see that adultery may only be a symptom of a bad marriage, that was probably on borrowed time in the first place, isn't infidelity just "having your cake, and eating it"?

If the adulterer had any respect for their partner, they should decide who it is they want to be with and then have the courage to be honest - but there lies the rub....infidelity by definition means not truthful..... the answer is in the question.

The Mistress, is no better, as if she had any morals she would walk away from it, as soon as she found out that her lover was married, and with children. Sorry, I am not interested in the "what about my happiness" cry.... Well you don't miss what you never had, so be man enough to think about all the people involved rather than just what you want.

In the end the one who really loses out in this scenario is the adulterer; he has his mistress, and an easy way out of his marriage, but has lost his children as part of the deal - clever boy.

So if young children involved do you tell them

1. that Daddy has a new girl friend, and this is perfectly acceptable behaviour and teaching them that marriage has no value OR
2. explain that Daddy has a new girlfriend, but this is not what should be done, and thus alienate father from his young child
....mmm a question that the perpetrators certainly never considered, because it was their happiness that was in the forefront of their mind.

Its not cut and dry, but before you start the journey, think about where or how it might end.

Spitting

In response to Dave Fox's post on spitting, there are a number of points I would like to make. http://davefoxbeingbad.blogspot.com/2009/02/spitting.html

1. If we have something in our throat, is it not better that we spit it out, than swallow - and no inuendo intended, I mean phlegm, etc. If we cough something up, it is because our body is trying to expel such things, so by swallowing them back down again we are going against what our body is telling us to do. There must be a reason why it was coughed up in the first place. So if we agree with this assumption and not are in a place where we can find a bin, etc to spit into are we then to just let it stay in our mouth until we do find a suitable container?? Yes, we should try to spit in the gutter, etc, but spitting on all levels I do not believe to be wrong.

2. Yes, of course it is wrong to spit in someone's face, but surely spitting onto a football field, after running around for hours, is hardly going to spread disease or germs.

3. Spitting is culturally acceptable in many parts of the world. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6927361.stm however when we visit these places we think we are the civilised ones and the natives need to be educated to behave better. We have many habits that others would think uncivilised - eg, using toilet paper instead of running water, isn't it just a matter of what is culturally acceptable rather than what is right/wrong/correct/hygience. It all depends on perspective. Who are we to say that the western way to live/behave is the correct way, and everyone else should conform.

7 Deadly Sins

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7897034.stm

According to a recent survey conducted by The Vatican, women and men sin differently, and as an aside the practice of confession has diminished in popularity.

1. Does that mean that we are not commiting sins or that perhaps we don't consider them to be sins anymore, and therefore not needful of absolution.

2. How do you define sin? It would seem that sin cannot exist if God does not exist, with the most famous perpetrator being Adam, by eating the forbidden fruit.

So if you commit sins does that mean you are being bad? In the eyes of God, that would almost certainly be the case, but if there is no God, then are envy, gluttony, greed Being Bad?

I would put forward the idea that Bad is only Bad if a 3rd party is affected, and as long as we consider others in our behaviour then we cannot be thought of as being Bad.

This is more of an Eastern Philosophy than a Western one, but surely this is the ultimate responsibility that we make choices by consider their effect on others, thus taking responsibility for all.

Dad at 13

In response to the Summersun blog - Dad at 13,
http://karen-summersun.blogspot.com/2009/02/alfie-patten-dad-at-13.html
I disagree with the comments made that suggest that the 2 "children" in question, are not responsible for their own actions, and even pities them. This is the sort of attitude that has got them in to this mess in the first place (sorry, not very PC, but I say it as I see it). Children of this age ARE responsible for their actions, Sex Education in most schools occurs when the children are 11, or younger, so they were well aware that sex can result in pregnancy.

Children and indeed adults need to start taking responsibility for their actions rather than blaming their parents, society, the workplace, the government - infact anybody else who they think can be held responsible. We are all accountable for our actions, and have choices.

Blaming somebody else is the real BAD BEHAVIOUR.

Lying

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/1/hi/england/merseyside/7892457.stm

Saw this article yesterday, and whilst what this person did was illegal - which goes beyond bad, it does throw up some interesting points regarding lying generally.Is it more or less bad to lie on behalf of another, should we ask someone to lie on our behalf.Who hasn't asked someone else to answer the phone and then tell the caller that you are not around, when you are, or asked someone to call your work to tell them you are sick, when you are just hungover? Who is in the wrong here? the person doing the lying or the person who has asked their friend to lie on their behalf? These are all white lies, and won't hurt anyone ... will they??How about tradesmen who constantly tell you that they are on their way when they are still in the middle of a job, or partners/friends who say they are just having their last drink, and then come home 4 hours later? Is it less harmful to say, well actually No, I won't get to do your job til next week, or No I am not coming home, I'm here til closing time? Personally, I believe the truth is an easier pill to swallow, than finding out later that it was all lies.

Why Being Bad

I would first like to explain why I enrolled on this module - not because I have to, but I chose to, to make me more tolerant, think about behaviour, why we do what we do, and why I do what I do. Lets see if it makes a difference!