Infidelity - effect on the children

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1036162/Is-adultery-gene-One-woman-traces-infidelity-patterns-shaped-life.html

In our lecture on infidelity the issue of how it effects the family and especially children who find out that one of their parents has been unfaithful to the other one was not even discussed, but as someone who has first hand experience of the devastation it can cause to the family would like this to be addressed, rather than just looking at the immediate victims.

I know of a 15 yr old girl who since she found out that her father has committed adultery, (for 2 years) detests him. She is happy to have no contact with her father, and instead lives with her step mother, who she perhaps sees as being innocent.

While I can see that adultery may only be a symptom of a bad marriage, that was probably on borrowed time in the first place, isn't infidelity just "having your cake, and eating it"?

If the adulterer had any respect for their partner, they should decide who it is they want to be with and then have the courage to be honest - but there lies the rub....infidelity by definition means not truthful..... the answer is in the question.

The Mistress, is no better, as if she had any morals she would walk away from it, as soon as she found out that her lover was married, and with children. Sorry, I am not interested in the "what about my happiness" cry.... Well you don't miss what you never had, so be man enough to think about all the people involved rather than just what you want.

In the end the one who really loses out in this scenario is the adulterer; he has his mistress, and an easy way out of his marriage, but has lost his children as part of the deal - clever boy.

So if young children involved do you tell them

1. that Daddy has a new girl friend, and this is perfectly acceptable behaviour and teaching them that marriage has no value OR
2. explain that Daddy has a new girlfriend, but this is not what should be done, and thus alienate father from his young child
....mmm a question that the perpetrators certainly never considered, because it was their happiness that was in the forefront of their mind.

Its not cut and dry, but before you start the journey, think about where or how it might end.

Spitting

In response to Dave Fox's post on spitting, there are a number of points I would like to make. http://davefoxbeingbad.blogspot.com/2009/02/spitting.html

1. If we have something in our throat, is it not better that we spit it out, than swallow - and no inuendo intended, I mean phlegm, etc. If we cough something up, it is because our body is trying to expel such things, so by swallowing them back down again we are going against what our body is telling us to do. There must be a reason why it was coughed up in the first place. So if we agree with this assumption and not are in a place where we can find a bin, etc to spit into are we then to just let it stay in our mouth until we do find a suitable container?? Yes, we should try to spit in the gutter, etc, but spitting on all levels I do not believe to be wrong.

2. Yes, of course it is wrong to spit in someone's face, but surely spitting onto a football field, after running around for hours, is hardly going to spread disease or germs.

3. Spitting is culturally acceptable in many parts of the world. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6927361.stm however when we visit these places we think we are the civilised ones and the natives need to be educated to behave better. We have many habits that others would think uncivilised - eg, using toilet paper instead of running water, isn't it just a matter of what is culturally acceptable rather than what is right/wrong/correct/hygience. It all depends on perspective. Who are we to say that the western way to live/behave is the correct way, and everyone else should conform.

7 Deadly Sins

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7897034.stm

According to a recent survey conducted by The Vatican, women and men sin differently, and as an aside the practice of confession has diminished in popularity.

1. Does that mean that we are not commiting sins or that perhaps we don't consider them to be sins anymore, and therefore not needful of absolution.

2. How do you define sin? It would seem that sin cannot exist if God does not exist, with the most famous perpetrator being Adam, by eating the forbidden fruit.

So if you commit sins does that mean you are being bad? In the eyes of God, that would almost certainly be the case, but if there is no God, then are envy, gluttony, greed Being Bad?

I would put forward the idea that Bad is only Bad if a 3rd party is affected, and as long as we consider others in our behaviour then we cannot be thought of as being Bad.

This is more of an Eastern Philosophy than a Western one, but surely this is the ultimate responsibility that we make choices by consider their effect on others, thus taking responsibility for all.

Dad at 13

In response to the Summersun blog - Dad at 13,
http://karen-summersun.blogspot.com/2009/02/alfie-patten-dad-at-13.html
I disagree with the comments made that suggest that the 2 "children" in question, are not responsible for their own actions, and even pities them. This is the sort of attitude that has got them in to this mess in the first place (sorry, not very PC, but I say it as I see it). Children of this age ARE responsible for their actions, Sex Education in most schools occurs when the children are 11, or younger, so they were well aware that sex can result in pregnancy.

Children and indeed adults need to start taking responsibility for their actions rather than blaming their parents, society, the workplace, the government - infact anybody else who they think can be held responsible. We are all accountable for our actions, and have choices.

Blaming somebody else is the real BAD BEHAVIOUR.

Lying

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/1/hi/england/merseyside/7892457.stm

Saw this article yesterday, and whilst what this person did was illegal - which goes beyond bad, it does throw up some interesting points regarding lying generally.Is it more or less bad to lie on behalf of another, should we ask someone to lie on our behalf.Who hasn't asked someone else to answer the phone and then tell the caller that you are not around, when you are, or asked someone to call your work to tell them you are sick, when you are just hungover? Who is in the wrong here? the person doing the lying or the person who has asked their friend to lie on their behalf? These are all white lies, and won't hurt anyone ... will they??How about tradesmen who constantly tell you that they are on their way when they are still in the middle of a job, or partners/friends who say they are just having their last drink, and then come home 4 hours later? Is it less harmful to say, well actually No, I won't get to do your job til next week, or No I am not coming home, I'm here til closing time? Personally, I believe the truth is an easier pill to swallow, than finding out later that it was all lies.

Why Being Bad

I would first like to explain why I enrolled on this module - not because I have to, but I chose to, to make me more tolerant, think about behaviour, why we do what we do, and why I do what I do. Lets see if it makes a difference!